420 ftw
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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