Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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