I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
