you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
