Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
