So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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