I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
