Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize