I think my vagina is haunted
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
