His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize