I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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