I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
