you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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