So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
