is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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