my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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