just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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