i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
