Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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