ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
