What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
