I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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