I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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