I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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