hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
