My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
