This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize