I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
