i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
