If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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