her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
