I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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