hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
