he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
