Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize