he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
