She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
