capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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