The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
