woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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