I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How does one acquire holy water?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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