i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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