We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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