If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
