I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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