wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
