Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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