If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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