This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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