I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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