Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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