The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
