im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
