wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
