could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
