She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize