You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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