You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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