I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
