dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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