How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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