I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
