Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
