you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
