My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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