im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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