carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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