i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
