The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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