I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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