You're completely useless in the revolution.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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