i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
