plz talk dirty to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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