We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
high people should be assigned attendants
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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